


Curtail

by Waffawa



Category: Amnesia (Game & Anime)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8365585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waffawa/pseuds/Waffawa
Summary: For Toma, there is no such thing as a happy ending.





	1. Chapter 1

.

..

...

How many days has it been already?

She stretched out her legs before her, feeling the numbness that coursed through thighs that haven't had the pleasure of standing up straight in so long. She touched her knees and found they were surprisingly normal regardless of the odd situation she found herself in.

"Are… are you okay?" said a light and hesitant voice. It was a pleasant reminder that she wasn't alone, though the voice was filled with regret and sadness.

She looked into the air where her companion's voice had floated from and smiled. A thick smile. Her eyes like glass orbs that looked into the beyond. Orion cringed at the sight. It was almost too much to bear to see her like this. Lost, and filled with a strange acceptance.

"We need to get out of here… we need to. I wish I could do more than just squawk in your ear. You need to move! Kick the bars! Shake them until they break! Try harder! Why aren't you trying? Please-!" Orion's voice pleaded with her, but she made no move to obey.

Instead she leaned back, feeling the cold metal of her small boxy prison press into her shoulders. Had it become comforting suddenly? The feel of her new home. Maybe she didn't need to stand anymore after all. She enjoyed the sensation. And the plush toys that surrounded her offered her softness and comfort when she needed it.

She smiled again. Stiff and weak. Orion looked away.

"You'll die like this, you know? People aren't meant to be kept in boxes! Why aren't you fighting anymore? Don't you value your freedom?"

"I'm tired," was all she said, before she curled up into a ball. She pressed a plush toy to her cheek and closed her eyes. "Goodnight Orion."

"Please…" was the last thing she heard before she drifted off into a world of dreams. In her dream, she was being held, gently, a soft hand on her waist. The next second she was at the bottom of a well, in the next she was watching the fireworks, then she was being strangled.

She awoke with a gasp and clutched at her head. It pounded in the same way when she had uncovered a new memory. Before she could piece together anything she saw, it was already gone. But strength was renewed in her mind and body. Sleeping helped, and the images of her dream reminded her of some unspoken and unknown goal she had yet to fulfill.

"Did you have a bad dream?" said a kindly voice.

She looked up. It was Toma, watching her through the bars so intensely that she was drawn to him. This man with the piercing gaze… her captor.

She heard a sneer in her head, the sound of disgust. "He watched you squirming all night."

She didn't know what to say as Toma moved around her in her cage. She followed him with her eyes, afraid to lose sight of him.

"I made you breakfast. Please eat and gain some energy. You've been very lethargic the last couple days."

"Let me walk around outside, please." Her voice came without her summoning it.

"You know I can't do that. It's too dangerous. Everything will be over soon, so just stay strong until then. Sitting for too long can be bad for your body."

"Then let me outside and stretch," she asked again. She could hear Orion mumbling something in the distance, it sounded like a prayer.

"Hmmm, I'll have to handcuff you again, I hope you understand. Stick your hands through the bars." He said it so nonchalantly; it was like he was discussing the weather.

She obeyed immediately. There was no room in her body to argue. She had to keep her strength. Day to day, she felt her mind drifting in and out of consciousness. She was losing it and she knew it. She had to keep strong. She had to focus.

Before she gave into her situation completely, Orion had to keep her sharp. She said as much in her mind and Orion grunted in agreement. Maybe this was an opportunity to escape, but her rational side knew better. She was far too weak to escape from Toma now.

He brought her out of her prison and allowed her to pace around the room and stretch. He watched her, his eyes not once leaving her form. To be watched like this might have made her uncomfortable or blush before, but he had already seen so much of her, especially in this vulnerable state. He was molding her mind to accept this life.

"Fight it!" said Orion, his hands balled into fists, pumping along in a cheering motion.

Still, when she looked at Toma, she saw a deep sadness. His eyes were drawn, thick dark circles along the base. He looked so tired, so ragged and run down. He looked so sad to her, she wanted to cry. What happened to the sweet Toma she wanted to marry as a child? Where had he disappeared to?

Even now, she saw him. Old Toma. His kindness, his generosity, his concern and support. Oh, she had loved him so much. She longed for that Toma. Her friend, her brother, her everything.

In those deep and ragged eyes that watched her every movement, she saw pain.

"This reminds me of PE when we were kids," he said offhandedly. His hand was on his chin as if he was studying her. "Are you tired now? Back inside, I have to run some errands."

She nodded and returned to her prison, bumping into it as she went, and he seemed pleased by her obedience. He kneeled next to the cage as he often did and watched her through the bars. "I might be a while. Please wait for me until then." His eyes lingered over her for a long time, his eyebrows twitched up, a smile gracing his lips. He looked like he wanted to cry. And she along with him. He left the room swiftly, closing the door behind him with an ominous click.

How did they end up like this? How were things ever going to be the same?

Orion sighed. "That did us no good… he'll never leave you alone!"

"Orion," she said and Orion gasped to hear her address him, "how heavy do you think this cage is?"

"I'm not sure. It's huge and made of metal. If I could touch it, I'd guess it is pretty heavy. Why? Do you have an idea?" His voice was filled with desperation.

"When I walked back to the cage, I tried to push it and it barely budged but I was still able to move it."

"Okay! That's something! Maybe we can push it until you can reach something in the room? Maybe Toma's computer? You can contact someone. Or even towards the window, maybe you can throw things outside until someone sees." His voice was filled with an excited vigor, desperate for some change, anything!

She pushed out as many of the toys as she could through the metal bars, trying to shed some weight. This was a far-fetched idea, but she knew she must try before her mind drifted again.

So she thought of Toma, and his smiling face…

… And rammed her body from one side of the cage to the other.

The bars rattled but it made little difference except she now sported a sore shoulder.

"I… I think it moved? Barely at all, but it slid a little on the ground! Keep going! You'll have to get there before Toma gets back and who knows how long that'll be. Quickly!"

She aimed for Toma's open laptop on the table nearby. She thought of the sun shining outside, and flung her body against the cage wall over and over and over again.

Her shoulder ached; it was probably already littered with newly formed bruises. Orion sobbed his support next to her, concern growing for her well-being with every loudly ringing shove against metal. An inch at a time, she scooted her way across the floor.

It felt like forever, and tears streamed down her face at the pain. How much time had passed? If Toma caught her in the middle of the floor like this… she didn't want to think about what he would do.

She was close, almost within touching distance of the table. She turned around, remembering the teddy bear too big to fit through the bars next to her. She yanked at the bow around its neck, ripping it off. Next she grabbed a smaller toy and tied the bow around it. It was a hefty enough weight that could wrap around whatever she threw it towards.

Reaching through the bars, she swung her creation at the table leg, missing by a hairs breadth each time. Not close enough yet. She resumed her collisions with the cell wall, but she was tired now, and any strength she used to have had long since abandoned her.

"Come on!" Orion cheered.

She swung the ribbon through the cage again and this time it reached the table leg. It wrapped around but didn't stick. She tried again until it wrapped around itself, making a makeshift knot. She grunted in pride, slightly surprised that it had worked.

Orion watched her with bated breath, afraid to speak and somehow break her sudden and intense concentration.

She tugged and pulled. The table was heavy and the ribbon was weak. It could tear at any second. The table squeaked achingly slow across the floorboards.

"Please don't break!" Orion whimpered.

There was a sudden shuffle outside the door and she froze, eyes wide in fear at being caught in this predicament with no way to hide her guilt. The noise stopped and both she and Orion sighed in relief as they continued to sit in silence with no continued signs of another presence. The noise could have been anything.

She tugged harder, the threat of his return more real than anything to her anymore. She had to escape, had to call for help. Her drifting mind of the previous days had scared her. She hated the feeling of being comfortable in that cage. She hated seeing those eyes that once watched her so lovingly. She especially hated that when she looked into those eyes, all she could feel was sadness and pity.

She thought back to her studies in Psychology. Unwanted to her, a term she had glossed over in her notes, floated to her memories.

_Stockholm Syndrome; developing feelings of trust or affection towards ones' captor._

Was that it? Was that why when she looked at Toma, her heart ached so painfully? Deep inside, at one point in the distant past, had she loved him? And right now, was that the love she felt or was this a different feeling entirely?

All she knew for sure was that she felt sorry for him. Sorry for hurting him in any way. Sorry that he ended up like this. Sorry for whatever it was, that lead him to become this type of person, had happened to him _._ Her heart was with him always, even as he betrayed her and captured her as his prisoner. He must be a prisoner within his own mind, she reasoned against her wishes. Even now, she defended him. The man she once knew.

She couldn't see this new monster before her, all she could see was Toma. But still, she knew that was a mistake. Her mind raged against her senses and she felt empty and weak still. Her mind couldn't comprehend this situation any longer. She could lose it at any moment.

She saw her false brother before her, rustling her hair. Young and sweet and kind.

Toma! Her mind shrieked. Who did this to you! And with one last burst of energy, she brought the table close enough to reach out and snatch the computer by its edge. It tumbled off the side and crashed to the ground in a thump. Orion's quick intake of breath was silenced by her seemingly practiced motions of grabbing the device and slipping it through the bars of her prison.

She placed it in her lap, and like a moment of truth, opened up the screen. The background stole her attention immediately. It was an old picture from her childhood. Her, and Toma, and Shin all sitting on a porch swing somewhere she didn't recognize, each with a shaved ice in hand. Shin's lips dyed a deep red from the syrup, next to her colorful blue spots that dotted her blouse. Toma's face was clean and bright, laughing at his two messy friends. The sun was setting. The picture was old. She choked on a sob that rose in her throat. She didn't have time to reminisce.

Unsurprisingly, it was password protected. She would have to guess it, but nothing came to mind. Orion suggested different possibilities, each with an accompanying error message. He was getting flustered and worried his hands anxiously.

"He could be back at any minute! What else haven't you tried?"

She typed any word that came to mind. It could be anything. It could have numbers or special characters. How could she possibly guess? Her frustration manifested itself in the way her fingers pounded on the keyboard. Sweat beaded on her forehead. Her shoulder still pulsing with pain.

Eventually her hands stilled, coming to rest on the keyboard. Orion watched her with wide eyes. "What are you doing? You have to get in! Don't give up!"

She knew it was no use. She was already out of time and he would catch her in this precarious position with no way of defending her actions.

"I don't know it," she whispered, mostly to herself. She didn't know anything about Toma, it seemed. She didn't know he was capable of such acts, how could she possibly predict this?

"All that hard work! Please keep trying, we'll get it!"

The computer slipped out of her slackened grip and came to sit on the floor next to her thigh. She sighed, leaning back against the bars. It felt good to rest, and she tilted her head back, as if she could take a nap. Orion continued to whimper on her behalf, begging that she continue before—

There was a knock at the door. Orion's head whipped in its' direction. "No! Not yet!"

She couldn't be bothered to lift her head, feeling more drained than ever. Her eyelids flittered closed, the threat of any dire consequences no longer of issue to her. Besides, her mind gently whispered, why would Toma knock on his own door?

Her eyes flew open, her body twisting in the direction of the noise, renewed energy surging through her. Against her own wishes, she wasn't ready to give in. A part of her still needed to escape. Orion was crying in relief just to see her move.

She wanted to call out but her voice felt weak and strained. Before she could speak, the knocking on the door came again, this time more forcefully and impatient. From there, a voice. A voice she felt as if she hadn't heard in weeks.

"I know you're in there. Open the damn door already, I need to talk to you."

"Shin!" Orion yelled as if he could hear him.

She squeezed the bars and pressed her face against one of the openings. Her throat was raw with heat and exhaustion. She had to get his attention before he left. Was he patient enough to wait?

"No one has seen her in days… everyone is worried. Ikki suspects his fangirls but they deny even seeing her…" he said quietly, and after a pause, he spoke again with the same roughness she was so fond of. "You really piss me off, you know that?" he mumbled through the wood, sounding already far away.

She mustered whatever energy she had left, shut her eyes, and screamed. She felt the strain of her voice against her thirsty throat, a ripping sensation twisting itself through her esophagus, an animalistic noise escaping her body.

" _SHIIIIN!"_

There was a moment's silence, and she feared that he had already departed. But the quiet was quickly broken when a loud bang reverberated against the door.

He was trying to force his way in, yelling profanities the whole while. "Is that you?" he called, sounding unsure of what he had heard. Her voice was thick and nearly unrecognizable, but still he tried desperately to break through the door.

"Shit!" he cursed after a significantly loud explosion against the wood. The door jamb was creaking but still stood firm.

She was crying now in silent relief and Orion joined her. If anyone could come and save her, it would be Shin. She murmured his name, not having anything more intelligible to say, the strength of her body fading fast as the adrenaline drained out of her like a sprung leak.

The banging continued, each connection louder than the next. The splintering sound of wood echoed throughout the room. After what felt like a lifetime, the door had cracked at the frame and Shin burst into the room, clutching his shoulder and looking around scared and frantic, until his eyes fell on her, lying defeated at the bottom of the cage.

He stood still, as if suspended in time, until his eyes grew wide and furious, taking in the image of his childhood friend being locked away. If they could have taken on a color of their own, she could swear his eyes were the color of blood, soaked with hatred.

"Shin…" she sighed through parched lips, tears escaping her eyes in soft recognition. It seems like just yesterday he was here pestering Toma about letting her stay over. Was this their reunion?

His chest was heaving in barely contained rage and he rushed to her side, reaching through the bars and touching her hair as if to see whether she was real. "…What have you _done_?" he said to himself, his voice dripping with disbelief. He was near tears to see her this way and he tried to stroke her head. She looked weakly up at him and smiled a broken smile.

"Let's get you out of there," he said, sounding distant. Whatever he was seeing, he still couldn't comprehend. Such an act was beyond his understanding.

He walked along the cage's perimeter, trying to gauge a weak spot, yanking at the padlock with all his might. It was thick and strong.

"Scoot back," he directed as kindly as he could muster, but it came out strained with emotion. He kicked at the bars and the cage briefly shook but did not bend. He huffed and paced around, looking for some sort of blunt object. "Does he keep a key somewhere?" he questioned as he tore apart Toma's room. Items flew everywhere, not a second thought given to its importance or value. "Where is it?!" he yelled out in frustration. When he couldn't find anything, he resumed kicking downwards on the padlock, trying to weaken its grip on the door to no avail. He resumed tearing around the room, his anger mounted. "He has to have something! That fucking bastard! How could he do this?! _FUCK_! I'll kill him!"

She sat numbly in the cage, her and Orion watching in silence as Shin kicked everything in his path out of his way, smashing glass and wood alike. They had never seen him be so animated before. In any other situation, it might have frightened her, but now she could only feel a calmness spread throughout her body. She could have napped right then and there, she felt so tired. Orion looked to her in concern, his eyes seemed to ask if she was okay without saying a thing.

"I'll kill him! I'll kill him! _I'll kill him_!" Shin's angry rant continued. He turned suddenly to the wood table that sat on the ground next to her cage and picked it up. He turned it on its' side, raised it into the air with a strength she didn't know he had, and rammed it straight down against the padlock. It cracked, but not fully. And he brought down the table a second time, and then a third, until it was hanging by a shredded piece of metal. She was surprised the noise being generated hadn't risen any sort of alarm and her thoughts momentarily flew to a vision of piercing eyes.

He threw down the table as soon as he saw the loosened padlock and tore it away, swinging open the cage door with such force it slammed its way back closed. He stared at her limp form, eyes still wild, and reached towards her.

His gentleness returned as soon as he touched her pale arm and he pulled her to him. She could barely move except to lift her head, reaching out to grasp Shin's outstretched hand. "Come here," he whispered, tearful again, "I've got you. You're okay now." He pulled until she cleared the door of the cage and then further away as far as the small room would allow.

She collapsed in a heap on top of him and he held her tight, his chest still heaving from the strength of his blows. He leaned up against the far wall and pulled her even closer, until she was lying across his chest. She could feel his heart beating at a fever pitch faster than normal as she shifted slowly on top of him. He was warm to the touch, nearly burning. Her heart was thrumming similarly to his but she knew this was not the situation to examine their close proximity or to ask Shin why he would go so far for her.

Instead, she lifted her head to look at him and hoped her expression could convey any sort of gratefulness that she had bursting for him. He gave her a sardonic smile in response, misinterpreting her gaze. "What? I can cry too, you know…"

He watched her sullen eyes go in and out of focus and he resisted the urge to cry out again with a strangled gasp. He pressed a gloved hand to the back of her head and laid it against his neck, holding her gently and yet as tightly as he could. For the first time he noticed the scratches against the wood floor and the computer in her cage. It took him only seconds to realize what she had done and why she was so weak. He couldn't control himself any longer and a sob escaped his throat.

"I'm so, so sorry," he whimpered into her hair. "I never should have left you with him. I shouldn't have listened to him that time I visited. This never would have happened if I tried to fight him more. Goddammit-!" His voice trembled. "I'm so sorry you had to endure that all alone. You worked so hard… How could he do this to you?" He continuously apologized, his voice mixing with fresh waves of tears.

Voice fading, he continued to speak words he hoped were soothing, and stroked her head. "I looked everywhere for you…" he whispered.

She began to cry too, gripping his jacket with weak fingers, curling and uncurling them until her hold was taut. She wanted to say it wasn't his fault at all, and that she was so happy to see him but she couldn't.

Without warning and startling the two out of their private reverie, a disappointed voice rang through the air.

"My, this is quite unfortunate…"

...

..

.


	2. Chapter 2

Shin's grip immediately tightened on her shoulder. She could feel his head as it looked up to peer at the man at the door. She didn't want to look herself, knowing that whatever was about to come next would not be pleasant for anyone involved. She knew Shin, and a part of her always knew, that he was not a violent person. But he would do what was necessary; foregoing any sort of discomfort he had to do what he thought needed to be done.

She tried to hold him to her, as if to stop the rippling anger from surging completely through him, and squeezed her eyes shut. It was no use. She could sense Orion's own apprehension as Shin laid her aside and stood up. She leaned back against the wall, watching him move with intense eyes, praying in silence.

"Toma…" his voice was filled with venom.

The man in question ignored his furious best friend and looked at her. "You had been so obedient lately, I thought I could take a longer trip outdoors today," he paused, a grin on his face, yellow eyes flickering dangerously, "but I suppose I was mistaken."

Shin was on him in a second. He grabbed Toma by the collar. "What were you thinking?!" Shin screamed as Toma refused to look at him. "Answer me!"

Her eyes locked on Toma's and for a very brief moment they stared at one another.

"I…" his gaze switched between clarity and cloudiness, an internal struggle waging within him. It reminded her of the time where Toma had awoken and was shocked to see her locked within a cage. What part of Toma was real? Was he aware of what he was doing, even now?

"I just wanted to protect her," he finished, switching his hardened sight onto Shin.

His arm shot out and gestured at the cage. "You call _this_ protecting her? You locked her in a cell! Couldn't you tell how much she must have been suffering?!"

"I can't expect you to understand. Those people… they were after her. They could have hurt her. They _did_ hurt her." He looked at her again. "I did what I thought was best for her safety." Toma's expression grew soft.

"Safety…?" Shin repeated, his voice once again back to a heated whisper. It felt like he was doing everything within his power to control himself. "Do you see her…? She's tired and weak… you were _killing_ her. What you've done…"

She couldn't see Shin's face at this moment, but she knew if she did, they would be filled with a blackness that even the strongest man wouldn't be able to face. But Toma looked him dead in the eye and spoke as clearly and evenly as ever.

"I thought of nothing but her well-being. She wouldn't have stayed in there forever, just until things quieted dow—"

Before he could finish, Shin slammed his gloved fist into Toma's face, a loud cracking sound echoing within the small apartment.

She gasped, her fingers brought up to cup her mouth in surprise. Orion made a choking sound next to her, just as silent during the entire exchange.

At the sound of her voice, Toma looked to her and gave a strange and wistful smile.

" _Look at me, you son of a bitch,"_ Shin spit out through clenched teeth, pulling Toma back up. He expected resistance, but Toma merely fell to his knees, his face lolling to the side. Shin shook him, startled by his limp response.

"I'll accept any punishment as you deem necessary. I deserve no better." His voice sounded so final, as if he was expecting a confrontation like this eventually. He had already given up without a fight.

She watched him, an odd mix of emotions stirring within her. That sad smile he wore, it tore at her, dredging up those awful feelings of misery and pity that she felt for him; reminding her of the man behind the darkened eyes. When his face had once glowed so merrily and sly, yet so childishly kind. He really was like a big brother to her, once upon a time.

"Are you-?" Orion began, unsure of her wide-eyed expression.

Memories flooded back to her then, and with them, a strong surge of emotions. She doubled over, gripping her skull as she was bombarded with events she could not recall.

She had asked so many people regarding her unrequited feelings, gotten caught up in so many situations. Ikki's fangirls… they hated her friendship with him. All a misunderstanding. Her life before… her relationships with those around her. Toma. It had been so important to her to get answers to questions so that she may attempt to understand what to do about Toma.

_Toma,_ her childhood friend who treated her with nothing but kindness. Toma, who held her hand and comforted her. Made her smile and laugh. The person she had known almost her entire life. The man she spent her youth with, alongside Shin, and had grown up together, enduring hardships and pain.

Sweet, foolish Toma. She looked into his eyes again as the memories swirled around in a painful amalgamation of feelings and emotions. Her head throbbed. She must have always known these feelings were there, as their return was almost of little surprise to her. This was what she was questioning these last couple days of living with him. That endearing feeling when she looked at him, or that pity…

She loved Toma with all her heart, and it pained her to see this is what he had become. This sickened lonely state…

She saw who he was… or what she thought she saw, and this wasn't the Toma she had once known.

Those dark eyes, that cruel smile… something was wrong.

Even now, she loved him. And there was a twisting in her gut as her previous feelings toward him now fought against what she was feeling now, in this very moment, as Shin raised his fist to bring it back down against Toma's accepting smile, both completely unaware of her newfound discovery.

Blood dripped slowly from his now split lip and Shin yelled at him to fight back, his fist already lowering. This wasn't what he wanted to happen either.

She was frozen in place. The memories of herself, in a past she couldn't remember, had told her too much. Barring his actions of the last couple days, was he still the Toma of the past? Could she still see that _something_ within him? Hidden behind some dark barrier that hid everything he knew about himself?

It was there, somewhere. When the fog lifted, and clarity bloomed in his eyes, she could see the real Toma.

Except…

"And people think I'm a monster…" Shin mumbled, disheartened by his lack of response. "You won't even fight for what you believed in?"

"I know what I've done," Toma replied, his voice still steady, "and what I've done…"

… regardless of the love that she felt still pooling in her heart, making her ache with a sad longing. What he's done…

"… _is unforgivable."_

Shin raised his fist again and Toma's eyes fell closed to accept the blow.

"Stop!" she yelled through her tightened throat. Her hand shot out, pleadingly, and all pairs of eyes turned to look at her. She faltered and her hand fell, but conviction remained in her eyes. "Please stop…"

A brief look of surprise, and perhaps relief, passed over Shin's features as his hand fell back to his side, but the grip on Toma's collar never loosened. "Listen," he sighed, "he—"

"He needs help, Shin!" She was struggling to sit up, pushing against the pain in her body. She attempted to stand, her legs wobbly with exhaustion. She leaned against the wall.

Toma watched her with wide eyes, asking her a question she barely had an answer to. She looked to him, this time without pity.

After this day, she knew she would never be able to look at Toma the same way again. Every aspect of the love she felt would have to be set aside. She would have to turn her gaze away from him now, and forget the feelings she once held so tenderly for him.

"Help?" Shin questioned, his voice still low, "he needs to go to prison."

"If it comes down to it…" her voice cracked and wavered, her eyes flicking between her two companions. Toma had yet to say a thing. "But until then, Toma is… Toma is…" she swallowed, her fists clenched. "…our friend! And he needs help. He needs someone to talk to. I—I know he always pushes aside his true feelings. It's not healthy, it's not right…" her words trailed off.

"Even now, after everything… you still worry about him," Shin said, a flatness to his voice. It wasn't a question. She nodded. "I can't believe you…" he said before turning back to Toma. His face did little to hide his contempt for the man in his grasp. However, the searing hatred he had felt only moments before had slowly dissipated with each explosive hit. He flexed his bruised fist, cracking bone, and watched the bloodstains move within the fabric of his glove. He had done enough. He quickly released Toma and he slumped to the floor.

Shin hurried to her side, sensing she was having trouble keeping upright, and held her up by the shoulders. She looked gratefully at Shin and silently thanked him for listening to her plea. She reached out and tentatively gripped his sore hand. He couldn't look directly at her and a faint coloring flooded his cheeks.

She took a few deep breaths and walked solemnly up to Toma's crumpled form on the ground. Shin's hand briefly rose as if to stop her but instead he turned to stand back and watch. He stood at the ready, however, in case Toma were to attempt anything. An unreadable expression donned his face and he crossed his arms. He wanted desperately to leave and take her with him but was struggling hard to hold himself back. He couldn't watch her approach this man who had hurt her.

With the return of her memories, even Orion seemed to fade further into the background. He watched the exchange just as silently, his form barely casting a shadow on her world anymore. He would be gone soon.

Toma was crying. Limp hands open on his lap, his head bowed forward.

She leaned down next to him, tears blooming on her face at the prospect of what she had to do, of the feelings she had to lock inside of her heart forever. Her hands were raised, but she didn't dare touch him just yet. His head rose.

"I know you'll never forgive me for this," Toma began, his eyes clear as a pond. "I prayed for you. I wished for your happiness. Something went wrong." This was Toma speaking to her, she knew. But then again, she would soon come to realize, all parts of Toma were still just… Toma. "And I'm sorry. I don't deserve any mercy. You ought to let Shin do what needs to be done."

She reached out a shaking hand and pressed it against his wet cheek. He reared back in surprise as he had once done what felt like weeks ago. So tender, her touch grazed his skin, wiping away traces of blood and tears, and he was frozen in place. "Toma…" she said, "you must have been suffering…" Her other hand came up to briefly finger the ends of his hair, as if she were just noticing its length for the first time. He flinched minutely, but didn't pull away. "Ah- and I'm… I'm so sorry I didn't see it sooner."

He resisted the urge to laugh, "You're apologizing to me? You really are a foolish girl…"

"The same foolish girl that l—" her voice stumbled over her words, "-cares about you. You don't have to keep hurting like this. Please, talk to me and Shin. Talk to someone. We will find you something that will make you feel better after all of this!"

He looked to the floor, looking so utterly defeated. Eventually he lifted his head. "I'll never feel better for as long as I have to live with what I've done," tears leaked from his eyes, "but I would have done anything and everything, even if it meant you hated me… if you could be safe." He grimaced at her sad expression and mustered a smile, "I love you. But I can't be that person anymore."

She didn't know what to say, her heart was in the process of falling apart. She was about to lose one of the people that she held most dear, but there was no other option. One couldn't possibly turn a blind eye to his actions, and she was aware enough to know this at the very least. It was the first conclusion her memory-addled mind had come to.

But she wanted to fight that sensible side of her consciousness, push it back into the corners of her being. She wanted to remember her sweet feelings, and those alone. The innocent love that led her to make so many silly choices. She clung to them almost desperately, but they were already gone. "Toma…"

He looked down at his hands and then glanced at the cage, a darkened glare passing over his sight. "Shin's right… I am a monster. Please stop me before I do anything more." At that moment, he turned to Shin and nodded in his direction. Shin's mouth was set in a hard line, having been trying with difficulty to ignore the scene before him. But he saw Toma's pleading gaze and nodded in return. They had a bond that couldn't be severed, an understanding that was still unwavering even in the face of such a massive betrayal.

Toma held his hands out in front of him, pressing them together at the wrist. Wordlessly, Shin pushed himself off the wall and walked to the other side of the room to pick up the handcuffs he found while tearing the place apart. Shin placed the cuffs over his wrists as Toma grinned and got to his feet. She watched the whole exchange with an open-mouthed expression.

"You've always gotten the best of me, haven't you? You could always manage to do things that I couldn't. Even now…" Toma grinned at Shin who was still failing to completely look at him, "Watch over her with everything you have, or I will be the one that will never forgive you."

"…You're a bigger idiot than I thought if you think you have any right to say that to me," Shin said after a moment, "but I will." His shoulders began to tremble.

She turned back to Toma and glanced at his now cuffed hands. She knew he wouldn't do anything more, even if he wanted to. But she herself was pained to see him go to such lengths to stop himself. Pure anguish swam in his crystallized expression but he still wore such an overbearing grin of acceptance. It tugged at her, hurt her, and there was still so little she could do now to soothe him.

Where did they go from here?

"Toma!" she called, not knowing what she wanted to say. He peered at her expectantly and any and all words she had reserved for his ears were lost. "I—I could never hate you."

He let out a small chuckle, his features growing warm at her delicate admission. "Dummy," was all he said, unspoken meaning in his eyes. She hesitated, more words dying on her tongue.

_Forgive me_.

Toma walked towards his shattered door and turned back to look at his companions, both of whom were struggling with their own internal thoughts. He tugged at his handcuffs to remind them of the current situation. He was calm. An outward appearance he had perfected over the years. Generous and serious Toma. Protector. Failure.

"Shall we?" he said with practiced ease, his smile barely faltering.

…

…

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curtail- 'reduce in extent or quantity; impose a restriction on; deprive someone of (something).'
> 
> Interpret that as you will...
> 
> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading. Sorry if some of you were expecting some sort of happy ending, but the summary itself should've warned you, haha.
> 
> Anyway, here is the thing about Toma... I LOVED him in Shin's, Ikki's, and Kent's route. I couldn't wait to play his. I loved how sweet and caring he was without expecting anything in return. His route started off fairly cute with his obvious concern for her while hiding his true intentions... then... the days where she started sleeping all day happened. And everything I loved about Toma came crashing down.
> 
> To be honest, I GET the appeal. That kind of dangerous yandere guy is appealing and fun in its own way. But I was so surprised by the twist in his personality, that even I felt betrayed! I knew in Shin's route that he was trouble but the CAGE was pushing it. I could almost forgive the pills, but the cage was too much. If anyone ever did that to me... it was just too dark and disturbing. And when the heroine actually gets with him even AFTER his almost attempted assault after stripping her clothes off?? I felt like I wasn't even playing the game anymore. She was off on her own, forgiving a guy for locking her in a cage, such an honestly disturbing and horrifying experience to be LOCKED away. I would be scarred for life if I was her. And yet, nah, nothing happens, zero consequences or lessons learned. I could forgive Toma's route even more if he just GOT HELP in the end. That pained me the most. Toma obviously needed some guidance. Who knows what he would do if the Heroine ever pissed him off or if they broke up or something? And don't even get me started on the bad ending...
> 
> 2 scary.
> 
> Well, I've gone on too long. Let me know what you all think! Would love to discuss some more about his character. This was just a little story I felt I needed to write. Hope the other Amnesia games get localized... Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Toma, as a character, breaks my heart. This story will have a second part, so hope you enjoyed this! I don't even really know what prompted this except for the fact that Toma's route left such a sour taste in my mouth. I'll elaborate further on what I mean in the second part.
> 
> Of course I am submitting fanfictions for the most obscure fandom ever, haha.


End file.
